1. You have accumulated a large amount of treasure from your Viking activities, but you need somewhere to hide it where it will be safe. Where are you going to stash it?
Igor: I’d go to Cornwall, home of the smugglers, find a nice sandy beach (probably one of the Newquay beaches – they’re quite nice), then I bury it there and mark it with a big X like they do on Pirate maps. I reckon that’ll be totally safe.
Ragnhild: Beneath Stonehenge. I hear it’s pretty safe down there.
Loki: My dungeon. There’s enough down there to make even the most persistent intruder turn pale. And if I catch them… well…
2. Imagine it’s a dark night and you’re alone. It’s raining outside, and you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you wish was there with you?
Igor: David Brent. He’d be so annoying they’d shoot him first. Then I would unleash my axe and SEND THEM TO VALHALLA!!!!
Ragnhild: Okay, well I live in a first-floor dwelling so if someone is walking around outside the window that’s immediately terrifying. I’ll have to say The Doctor, and hope to the gods that he parks the TARDIS close by.
Loki: My army of the undead. Failing that, I would just wait until I heard them stumble across the trapdoor that leads down to the Rancor pit. Then I would fetch my popcorn and enjoy the show.
3. Do you always smile for pictures?
Igor: Yes. But nobody really know what I’m thinking do they…
Ragnhild: I have a tendency to over-smile in pictures which makes it look as if I’m about to go for somebody’s neck. So I try to look evil instead. That works.
Loki: I have a special smile reserved for photographs. I’m told that it’s impossible to tell whether I am flirting or planning someone’s untimely demise. Just how I like it.
4. What’s the scariest thing that you experienced in the last year?
Igor: Thinking I’d lost my iPhone.
Ragnhild: That bloody ‘Slender’ game. It’s the simplest thing, collect pages using a dodgy torch in a dark forest, while a chap with arms that are too long and a blank, yet smiling face comes after you. You never see him move, he’s just always there. And he never stops. I played it for ten minutes, after which I was too scared to leave the house for days. The goats were NOT happy.
Loki: The General Election.
5. As a reward for being such a good Viking, the village elder bestows upon you the power to turn into any creature at will. What do you choose, and why?
Igor: I would say a dog. But I already spend a lot of time on the sofa. I think it would be a seagull. But if I didn’t like it, when I returned to being a Viking, I would unleash my axe and SEND THEM TO VALHALLA!!!!
Ragnhild: I think I would have to say a dog too, but a big legendary one like Black Shuck that would give people the willies. I can’t see myself as a chihuahua. It would be like spending time as an animated slipper.
Loki: Dragon. Always be a dragon. However, that would break Rule 34 of The Evil Overlord List: “I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.”
6. What’s the most bizarre situation you’ve ever walked into?
Igor: A lamp post.
Ragnhild: The state of Wisconsin. Not five minutes after crossing the border I’d encountered the Mars Cheese Castle, the Bong Recreational Area, and there were people parachuting out of the sky. It was like entering Toontown from Roger Rabbit, it was insane, yet awesome.
Loki: There was the time with the actress, the shotgun and the tub of butter but I shall decline to share any more.
7. What book character do you remember most from your childhood?
Igor: Moonface from the Folk of the Faraway Tree – Enid Blyton. I loved Moonface. I loved those books.
Ragnhild: Lowly Worm from the Richard Scarry books. I loved that he had a hat with a feather in it, and no arms to put it on with. And his car was an apple!
Loki: Raistlin from Dragons of Autumn Twilight, the first fantasy book I ever read.
8. While you’re walking down the road on your way to work, you see a dog in trouble in the middle of the village pond. However, your boss has told you that if you’re late even once more, you’re fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or why not?
Igor: I would rescue the dog and if my boss complained I would unleash my axe and SEND THEM TO… You get the picture by now. The more I learn about humans, the more I love dogs.
Ragnhild: I would pull out my phone and call in sick, then rescue the dog. Everyone wins! And then probably spend the rest of the day at Lars’ Emporium trying to find an alarm clock that works properly.
Loki: I’d save the dog. Clock watching humans are beneath my contempt.
9. Go on, tell us something interesting about yourself.
Igor: I haven’t got an axe.
Ragnhild: I’m an audiator. That sounds like a superpower, but it just means that I hear in perfect pitch.
Loki: I have mutant toes as long as my little finger. I may or may not have an army of undead minions.
10. What’s the one thing you couldn’t live without?
Igor: My heartbeat.
Ragnhild: Oxygen. Or sandwiches.